’ARRY EXHIBITS HIS RECENT PURCHASE TO A HORSEY BUT CANDID FRIEND.
Arry (withpride). “There, my Boy ! What do you think of that ? Not dear at Forty Guineas, eh ?” Friend. “Dear at Forty Shillings! Why he must ha’ been tried for Sausages and sent back!”
GREEN AS EVER.
Earliest picked specimens of the Great Gooseberry Season :—
Suspicious Circumstance.—Yesterday some curiosity was excited by the appearance in the midst of the reserved squadron, now moored in the Solent, of a long , clipper-built fore-and-aft-raked craft of about 12,000 tons burthen, carefully picking her way, with loaded guns, and no name or signals showing, towards the Admiral’s Flag
ship. On being suddenly challenged, sho instantly launched a couple of torpedoes, and withdrew rapidly round the corner behind the Needles. The local authorities insist on regarding the whole incident as a well-executed practical joke.
Curious Scare. The evening before last no little commotion was caused in the neighbourhood of Clapliam Common by the discovery,
in the front garden of a detached villa, of an enormous creature of the rhinoceros species, measuring full twenty-seven feet in length,
breaking down the front of several houses by charging at them with its powerful head. An explosion of dynamite being adroitly contrived under its back legs, the now furious creature, much to the amuse
ment of the bystanders, instantly turned, and, making a terrific rush, cleared away at a bound the whole of the brick wall and iron railings of the entire row. The brute, by this time much exhausted,
fell. At a later hour the creature was claimed by a Collector of Curiosities at Camberwell, who took his lively “ specimen ” home.
Supposed Earthquake.—Last night, between twelve and one a.m. the inhabitants of Herne Bay were suddenly awakened by their houses falling, with a noise of thunder, about their ears, as the ground opened in several large chasms, and at the same time swallowed up the new jetty, the marine library and the whole of the sea front, leaving, this morning, not one stone standingon another.
The phenomenon, comparatively unusual in the locality, is attributed to a slight shock of Earthquake. [Anil so on ad lib.
Shakspeare on “ Potato Culture.”—“ Tuber or not Tuber, that is the question ”—after an excessive rainfall.
THE COMING FORCE AND ITS COROLLARIES.
A Hint for the Would-Be Mummy Be rivers.
[At a banquet given to the Members of the British Association at Whitby, Sir George Elliot, M.l’., referred to electricity ub the probable motive force of the future.]
Quite likely, Sir George. ’Tis a thing you should think on, Talk over with him who’s just in for North Lincoln. A go-ahead force is this same Electricity ; Say, is the prospect unchequered felicity ?
Pray what do you think—you should think, Sir, at your age— The functions will be of Electrical Storage ?
To put, like J em Lowther, the hands on Time’s clock back ? Or help to hold Progress’s tide with its shock, back p
To warm up old ghosts, quicken Mummies to Bogies, Or otherwise comfort old Women and Fogies ?
Dear Sir, not a bit of it; pray don’t imagine it, Things, like Protection, dead as Plantagenet,
ike groat Coming Force will not rouse. Just as easy a Kay might bring Chaos its Palingenesia,
No. Vis Inertia s foe you will find, Sir,
Will scarce prove a friend to the halt, deaf, and blind, Sir. dnst lay this to heart. It will save lots of bother,
lo friends of Reaction like you and Jem Lowther.
Mrs. Ram understands French better than she speaks it. Her Niece read out a dish on a menu, “ Canard aux Tomates.” “ Good
gracious! ” exclaimed Mrs. Ram, “ I can’t eat a mechanical duck! ”
She’s not bad at Latin too. Speaking of an intemperate person, she remarked that ho drank, as they say, “ ad lipitum.”
Mr. JonN Bright is inclined to throw the blame of any absurd reactionary feeling in favour of Protection, on the weather. The Sim, he says in effect, doesn’t understand politics. Evidently the Sun isn’t Bright.
Arry (withpride). “There, my Boy ! What do you think of that ? Not dear at Forty Guineas, eh ?” Friend. “Dear at Forty Shillings! Why he must ha’ been tried for Sausages and sent back!”
GREEN AS EVER.
Earliest picked specimens of the Great Gooseberry Season :—
Suspicious Circumstance.—Yesterday some curiosity was excited by the appearance in the midst of the reserved squadron, now moored in the Solent, of a long , clipper-built fore-and-aft-raked craft of about 12,000 tons burthen, carefully picking her way, with loaded guns, and no name or signals showing, towards the Admiral’s Flag
ship. On being suddenly challenged, sho instantly launched a couple of torpedoes, and withdrew rapidly round the corner behind the Needles. The local authorities insist on regarding the whole incident as a well-executed practical joke.
Curious Scare. The evening before last no little commotion was caused in the neighbourhood of Clapliam Common by the discovery,
in the front garden of a detached villa, of an enormous creature of the rhinoceros species, measuring full twenty-seven feet in length,
breaking down the front of several houses by charging at them with its powerful head. An explosion of dynamite being adroitly contrived under its back legs, the now furious creature, much to the amuse
ment of the bystanders, instantly turned, and, making a terrific rush, cleared away at a bound the whole of the brick wall and iron railings of the entire row. The brute, by this time much exhausted,
fell. At a later hour the creature was claimed by a Collector of Curiosities at Camberwell, who took his lively “ specimen ” home.
Supposed Earthquake.—Last night, between twelve and one a.m. the inhabitants of Herne Bay were suddenly awakened by their houses falling, with a noise of thunder, about their ears, as the ground opened in several large chasms, and at the same time swallowed up the new jetty, the marine library and the whole of the sea front, leaving, this morning, not one stone standingon another.
The phenomenon, comparatively unusual in the locality, is attributed to a slight shock of Earthquake. [Anil so on ad lib.
Shakspeare on “ Potato Culture.”—“ Tuber or not Tuber, that is the question ”—after an excessive rainfall.
THE COMING FORCE AND ITS COROLLARIES.
A Hint for the Would-Be Mummy Be rivers.
[At a banquet given to the Members of the British Association at Whitby, Sir George Elliot, M.l’., referred to electricity ub the probable motive force of the future.]
Quite likely, Sir George. ’Tis a thing you should think on, Talk over with him who’s just in for North Lincoln. A go-ahead force is this same Electricity ; Say, is the prospect unchequered felicity ?
Pray what do you think—you should think, Sir, at your age— The functions will be of Electrical Storage ?
To put, like J em Lowther, the hands on Time’s clock back ? Or help to hold Progress’s tide with its shock, back p
To warm up old ghosts, quicken Mummies to Bogies, Or otherwise comfort old Women and Fogies ?
Dear Sir, not a bit of it; pray don’t imagine it, Things, like Protection, dead as Plantagenet,
ike groat Coming Force will not rouse. Just as easy a Kay might bring Chaos its Palingenesia,
No. Vis Inertia s foe you will find, Sir,
Will scarce prove a friend to the halt, deaf, and blind, Sir. dnst lay this to heart. It will save lots of bother,
lo friends of Reaction like you and Jem Lowther.
Mrs. Ram understands French better than she speaks it. Her Niece read out a dish on a menu, “ Canard aux Tomates.” “ Good
gracious! ” exclaimed Mrs. Ram, “ I can’t eat a mechanical duck! ”
She’s not bad at Latin too. Speaking of an intemperate person, she remarked that ho drank, as they say, “ ad lipitum.”
Mr. JonN Bright is inclined to throw the blame of any absurd reactionary feeling in favour of Protection, on the weather. The Sim, he says in effect, doesn’t understand politics. Evidently the Sun isn’t Bright.