MISTIMED PLEASANTRY.
Facetious Dentist. “ Oh, my bear Sir ! Thebe ’s no necessity to open your Mouth so wide. I can do it prom the Outside easily, I assure you ! [But this sally was quite thrown away on his Patient!
BY THE SEA.
Four new German bands are playing,
All in different tune and time, Opposite to where I ’in staying,
Till I feel impelled to crime.
Is the Rhine watch kept no longer,
That those Teutons follow me,
And their brazen noise grows stronger, By the Sea.
In the early morn my slumber’s
Broken by a hideous roar,
What the fiend calls “ fresh cucumbers ’ ’
Are suggested at my door.
Worse than nightly caterwauling With my matutinal tea,
Shrimps and lobsters men are bawling, By the Sea.
Reoommended peace and quiet, I go out to take a stroll,
On the shore a hideous riot
Comes to vex my troubled soul. Here’s that old eternal “ ’Aery,”
From whom I had hoped to flee, And mothinks he means to tarry— By the Sea.
On the shore when I lay back, it
Seems as if the children then
Came and made by far more racket
Than they do near other men. And the boatmen’s objurgations
On the wind come foul and free, When I make perambulations
By the Sea.
So in sadness and in sorrow,
I resolve to fly the shore ;
I ’ll go back to Town to-morrow,— Better London’s ceaseless roar. For there comes a fell reminder ^ Of the weird that I must dree, Yes! it is an organ-grinder,
By the Sea I
Reciprocity, or “Give and take,” means giving
nothing and taking everything you can get.
PREPARING FOB PREMIERSHIP.
Scene—The North of France, the South not having proved sufliciently amenable to unreason. Deputies, Prefects, Mayors,
Generals, and Port-Admirals discovered. Chorus of Workmen, Sailors, Peasants, Journalists, and other small fry.
M. Tirard. Well, if the ex-President of the ex-Chamber has quite finished his forty-ninth declaration of principles, I should like, in my mean capacity of Minister, to say a feeble something about that insignificant subject, Commerce.
Prefect. Only one of the Cabinet. Order! Port-Admiral. Sabord et Tribord! Tell it to the marines! General. Norn d’une bombe ! Where are the gendarmes P
Chorus. Where’s our Gambetta P Give us back our Gambetta. We haven’t heard him for eleven minutes and a half.
Garnbetta {from a tar-barrel). Here I am, Citizens or Messieurs (you may take your choice, I’m not particular), always ready at the call of duty to frame a new programme or knock daylight into an old one.
Constans {humbly). But the Government thinks----- Prefect. “The Government ” P What’s that P Mayor. “Thinks”? What ’a that?
Garnbetta. I was about to sav, fellow-countrymen,—[aside) safer than Citizen or Monsieur; shall stick to it,—[aloud) when the disorderly egotism of a factious oxecutive interrupted me, that, on the whole, I approve of tho Elections.
[General sigh of relief. Telegrams flashed all over the two hemispheres. Stocks go up, together with the spirits of a good many people who ought to be sitting in some. local
Deputies embrace in the Market-Place, and Ajimand de l’Ahiege says, “ Bless ye, my ehi-i-ilderen ! ”]
Garnbetta (from a balcony). Superficial non-subscribers to the Mont-Avmtin thought me rather discomfited than otherwise. Said it looked like a licking. Not to the Statesman’s Eye. [Glaring at Ministers.) Isn’t the result a signal triumph for the Republic P
As a recognition of this triumph, and as a reward for those who procured it, I—[Pauses impressively. Topmost tiptoe of expec
tation general attitude)—I consent to govern you. [Immediate disruption of audience into Radicals and Respectables, and pitched fight.) Yes; and I am going to give the Free-traders another Commercial Treaty— [Like Napoleon, yah!) , the Radicals a thorough revision of the Constitution -(Bellevillois, va!)-, the Centre, the abolition of the Income-Tax— [Bourgeois, pah. ); and everybody, War.
Constans. I’m afraid we can’t offer that variety of entertainment. We shall have to give up management.
Chorus [throwing things,—-and wreaths). Dictator ! Despot! Deliverer! Humbug ! Genius ! Mountebank ! Vive Gambetta !
Garnbetta [from an elevated position). Thank you. You know my programme ; and with a homogeneous and enthusiastic majority like you, I am sure to carry it out.
Compensation; or, “’Tis True ’tis Chitty.”
[Mr. Justice Chitty, distributing the prizes at the meoting of the Highclere-Park Lawn Tennis Club, said “he supposed that his lawn-tennis days wore altogether gone, owing to the responsible office he had accepted.]
Youit health, Justice Chitty, athletic, wise, witty!
To turn up your Tennis no doubt, is a bother;
But if you don t “servo ” in one Court—moro’s tho pity— At least you will “ rule ” in another !
“ Sour Grapes.”
From some papers—“ The Queen has given Princess Fbederica the Hampton Court Vine.” From other papers—“ The Queen has not given Princess Frederica the Hampton Court Vine.” What does the Princess herself say P Why, naturally, “ My dear, I wouldn’t have that Vine as a gift.”
Facetious Dentist. “ Oh, my bear Sir ! Thebe ’s no necessity to open your Mouth so wide. I can do it prom the Outside easily, I assure you ! [But this sally was quite thrown away on his Patient!
BY THE SEA.
Four new German bands are playing,
All in different tune and time, Opposite to where I ’in staying,
Till I feel impelled to crime.
Is the Rhine watch kept no longer,
That those Teutons follow me,
And their brazen noise grows stronger, By the Sea.
In the early morn my slumber’s
Broken by a hideous roar,
What the fiend calls “ fresh cucumbers ’ ’
Are suggested at my door.
Worse than nightly caterwauling With my matutinal tea,
Shrimps and lobsters men are bawling, By the Sea.
Reoommended peace and quiet, I go out to take a stroll,
On the shore a hideous riot
Comes to vex my troubled soul. Here’s that old eternal “ ’Aery,”
From whom I had hoped to flee, And mothinks he means to tarry— By the Sea.
On the shore when I lay back, it
Seems as if the children then
Came and made by far more racket
Than they do near other men. And the boatmen’s objurgations
On the wind come foul and free, When I make perambulations
By the Sea.
So in sadness and in sorrow,
I resolve to fly the shore ;
I ’ll go back to Town to-morrow,— Better London’s ceaseless roar. For there comes a fell reminder ^ Of the weird that I must dree, Yes! it is an organ-grinder,
By the Sea I
Reciprocity, or “Give and take,” means giving
nothing and taking everything you can get.
PREPARING FOB PREMIERSHIP.
Scene—The North of France, the South not having proved sufliciently amenable to unreason. Deputies, Prefects, Mayors,
Generals, and Port-Admirals discovered. Chorus of Workmen, Sailors, Peasants, Journalists, and other small fry.
M. Tirard. Well, if the ex-President of the ex-Chamber has quite finished his forty-ninth declaration of principles, I should like, in my mean capacity of Minister, to say a feeble something about that insignificant subject, Commerce.
Prefect. Only one of the Cabinet. Order! Port-Admiral. Sabord et Tribord! Tell it to the marines! General. Norn d’une bombe ! Where are the gendarmes P
Chorus. Where’s our Gambetta P Give us back our Gambetta. We haven’t heard him for eleven minutes and a half.
Garnbetta {from a tar-barrel). Here I am, Citizens or Messieurs (you may take your choice, I’m not particular), always ready at the call of duty to frame a new programme or knock daylight into an old one.
Constans {humbly). But the Government thinks----- Prefect. “The Government ” P What’s that P Mayor. “Thinks”? What ’a that?
Garnbetta. I was about to sav, fellow-countrymen,—[aside) safer than Citizen or Monsieur; shall stick to it,—[aloud) when the disorderly egotism of a factious oxecutive interrupted me, that, on the whole, I approve of tho Elections.
[General sigh of relief. Telegrams flashed all over the two hemispheres. Stocks go up, together with the spirits of a good many people who ought to be sitting in some. local
Deputies embrace in the Market-Place, and Ajimand de l’Ahiege says, “ Bless ye, my ehi-i-ilderen ! ”]
Garnbetta (from a balcony). Superficial non-subscribers to the Mont-Avmtin thought me rather discomfited than otherwise. Said it looked like a licking. Not to the Statesman’s Eye. [Glaring at Ministers.) Isn’t the result a signal triumph for the Republic P
As a recognition of this triumph, and as a reward for those who procured it, I—[Pauses impressively. Topmost tiptoe of expec
tation general attitude)—I consent to govern you. [Immediate disruption of audience into Radicals and Respectables, and pitched fight.) Yes; and I am going to give the Free-traders another Commercial Treaty— [Like Napoleon, yah!) , the Radicals a thorough revision of the Constitution -(Bellevillois, va!)-, the Centre, the abolition of the Income-Tax— [Bourgeois, pah. ); and everybody, War.
Constans. I’m afraid we can’t offer that variety of entertainment. We shall have to give up management.
Chorus [throwing things,—-and wreaths). Dictator ! Despot! Deliverer! Humbug ! Genius ! Mountebank ! Vive Gambetta !
Garnbetta [from an elevated position). Thank you. You know my programme ; and with a homogeneous and enthusiastic majority like you, I am sure to carry it out.
Compensation; or, “’Tis True ’tis Chitty.”
[Mr. Justice Chitty, distributing the prizes at the meoting of the Highclere-Park Lawn Tennis Club, said “he supposed that his lawn-tennis days wore altogether gone, owing to the responsible office he had accepted.]
Youit health, Justice Chitty, athletic, wise, witty!
To turn up your Tennis no doubt, is a bother;
But if you don t “servo ” in one Court—moro’s tho pity— At least you will “ rule ” in another !
“ Sour Grapes.”
From some papers—“ The Queen has given Princess Fbederica the Hampton Court Vine.” From other papers—“ The Queen has not given Princess Frederica the Hampton Court Vine.” What does the Princess herself say P Why, naturally, “ My dear, I wouldn’t have that Vine as a gift.”