VERY UNRIPE.

By Miss Rather.
(From our Braddonian Brass Farthing Novel Series.)
So she (Mignon) went into the garden to piolc some cherries, and make a gooseberry fool (of herself). At the same time a Sham- Gardener (Sweetheart Number One) popped his head over the wall. What, no hope F (This teas the agonised inquiry of Sweetheart Number Two, Philip Rideout, a brilliant “ bad lot,” with whom. Very Unripe—ice mean Mignon—carried on a good bit, until she found he had betrayed her sister.) So he (Ruleout) died, and she (Mignon) very imprudently married the Gardener. And there were present (in this Story) the Fantoccini, and the Marionettes, and the Automata, and the Grand Simulacrum (Lady Romancer s “Love”) himself, with the little round button (where he is wound up) at top,
and they all fell to playing the game of “let’s pretend to be real live people ” till the sawdust ran out of the ends of their fingers.
PUCK.
By Weedbr.
I’ M a dog who has seen the world. A small Maltese who can hide in a muff. I know all about muffs. Man is a muff, and I know all
about him. As to woman, she manages the muff, to her own comfort and advantage. That’s canine philosophy in a nutshell. Cynical ?
Pooh ! Here you are ! Avice Dare, vulgar peasant girl and splendid harpy; Lord Beltran, superb aristocrat and magnificent—muff; Gladys Gerant, mimosa-like Virtue, with weak venous svstem. Valiant Vaurien, venal Cocotte, virtuous She-baby! Voila!
There’s the world, according to nous autres—lady-romancers and lap-dogs. Pedants and prudes say it’s only the half-world, but que voulez-vous f (when in doubt play a French phrase, the more hackneyed the better). Valiant Vaurien at feet of venal Cocotte. Pour
qaoif Bah! We live in the world, our world—and lions have parasites. Parasites “have” lions too, in one sense. Avice “had” Beltran, to the tune of nine-tenths of his fortune; then she tried a change of air. So did he, with the virtuous She-baby. Happiness F Pas du tout! Venal Vice, turning jealous, destroys Venous Virtue, by way of revenge on Valiant Vaurien. Valiant Vaurien bites his lips, knots his veins, and curses under his breath—only signs of broken heart and blasted life that the great God “ Form” allows its votaries—and goes back to the World of Muffs, Mimosas, and Messahnas. Mixture as before. Venal vice,—Avice—Laura Pearl— h austine—Cleopatre Venus Anadyomene—what you will, goes on conquering and to conquer. Telle est la vie ! All is vanity—save Dogs and Dinners!
ADAM AND EVE.
By Mrs. Parrabise.
Reuben May, Watchmaker, was evangelical, and loved Eve. S7/, .was latitudinarian, and didn’t care a fig-leaf for Reuben.
May March, Eve went in search of Adam. She found him at 1 ollparrot we mean Polperro. She also found there that long
sought mystery, “ the father of Zeredee’s children,” together with jovial Jerrem—or Jeremiah—Pascal, and jolly Joan Hocken. Joan would have liked Adam Pascal for her Darby, She could not \ m that Darby. Eve did. Pascal’s thoughts were all of Eve.
Eve had one little weakness—coquetry ; Adam two small frailties— bad temper and smuggling. Hence mischief. Adam and Eve had a fall— out. Eve flirted with Jerrem ; Adam, enraged, “ peached ”
on Jerrem. . . . Curse of Adam—by Zebedee. . . . Lamentations ?.t Jeremiah—by himself. . . . Morning of Eve all mourning, twi
light hour of Eve all darkness . . . Break-up of smuggling Eden— expulsion of Adam and Eve. . . . World all before them where o choose, but no return to the Polperro Paradise. ’Twas an app’e caused the exile of the first Adam and Eve ; a peach brought about the banishment of the second.
THE DOWNFALL OE THE DADO.
A Drawing-Room, Operetta.
“ It is said many of the Aesthetes are weary of their tomfoolery. They have cut their hair, and returned to their barber and common sense at the same time.”—Weekly Paper.
Air—“ Cock-a-doodle-doo.
Tenori.
We ’ve cropped quite short our lengthy hair, We’ve smashed up all our crockery-ware, For daffodils we do not care,
Or even hawthorn blue !
We do not care about Burne-Jones, We worship not his maidens’ hones,
And quite detest his “ subtle tones ”—
We mock a Dado do !
0 mock a Dado, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, do !
[Blue-and-white generally smashed and distributed.
Soprani.
We ’re much too sage to wear sage green, We even sport a crinoline,
And wear a neat high-heeled bottine,
Or tasteful Oxford shoe!
We part and smooth our tawny locks, From Worth we order all our frocks, And even sneer at hollyhocks,
And mock a Dado do !
0 mock a Dado, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, do !
(Rendhollyhocks, lilies, and other eesthetic dowers, and strew them about.
Too Tutti.
We now have lots of common sense, We are not prone to take offence,
If people say we ’re not “ intense ”—
Or hint we ’re not “ too-too ! ” E’en lilies now we don’t adore,
We ’re sick of Art and what is more, Vote Botticelli is a bore
And mock a Dado do!
0, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, do!
(All seize hatchets, pokers, chisels, and forthwith proceed to demolish the Dado. Postlethwaite
changes to Clown, Maudle to Pantaloon, Pillcox to Harlequin, and Mrs. Cimabue Brown to Columbine. General rally. Spill and Pelt.
Scene changes from the Dismal Depths of Dadocracy to the Coral Caves of Common Sense.

A NON-SEQUITUR.

Affable Old Gentleman (who has half a minute to spare). “I suppose now, my Bov, YOU TAKE A GOOD SUM OF MONEY DURING THE DAY ? ”
Shoe-black. “Yessur, ’cause lots o’ Gintleman, when they wants to ketch a Train, gives me Sixpencf, ! ”
[ Old Gent finds the Sixpence, but in thinking over it afterwards, couldn’t see the
connection.