AT THE DOOR OF KNOWLEDGE. D
OVER COLLEGE. — President, Earl Granville, K. G.
For particulars apply to Rev. W. Bell, M. A., the Head Master; or W. Knocker, Esq., Hon. Sec. — Timet.
Ye parents that with anxious eyes
Scan rival school lists over,
Your troubles spare, and spare your sighs, And take the train to Dover.
For lo! that city s classic gate
(No distance from the station)
Supplies you, wondrous to relate, With every information;
Go when you will, by light, by dark,
You could not get it faster —
The Knocker is the College Clerk! The Bell is the Head Master!
And if one says what is not true,
Or contradicts the other,
It’s plain to see what you may do Without the slightest bother.
For you upon them both may frown,
And say that you are shocked, or May knock the Secretary down,
And then ring up the Doctor.
Lines for Home-Rule Legislation.
As Property has its duties as well as its rights, so, conversely, it has its rights as well as its duties.
The rights of Landed Property in general pertain to the Landlord, but the rights of Irish Landed Property are the rights of the Tenant, and resolve themselves altogether into Tenant Right.
The Irish Landlord ought by rights to have no rights whatever, but duties only.
His duties are his taxes, and the duty of contributing to the relief of distress, and to all other works and objects of benevolence, beneficence, and utility.
A “General” Order. — “Abolish most of them. ” —
(Signed, ) “G. O. T. ”
THE NEXT VICTORY!
(A Sketch for the Historian of the Future. )
All apparently was lost. The Sub-Lieutenant in command (the only British officer young enough to perform the duties of a General) was at his wits’ end. The enemy had gained ground everywhere,
and the scattered battalions of Old England were gradually rallying round their respective head-quarters — the Infants’ Schools from which they had drawn their recruits. Non-Commissioned Officers of nearly two months’ standing were taking their places in the junior classes of the Educational Establishments just mentioned from force of habit, and their “men” were crying as of old for the recentlydeserted sugarstick and the lately-relinquished box of bricks.
“What am I to do? ” murmured the Sub-Lieutenant, as an aged Captain from the List of Officers of the Reserve approached him.
“Half a century of service rather more passive than active has rendered me a little rusty. I do not feel equal to giving you advice. ”
This was said with a heavy sigh, and a moment later the elderly speaker had succumbed to a dead faint, produced by the overwhelming weight of more than eighty years of comparative inaction.
“Let ms help you? ”
It was a very faint whisper — the outcome of extreme old age. The Sub-Lieutenant wavered. He had been addressed by an ancient General, who, with some thousand colleagues senior to himself, were
gathered together in a, group, seated in vehicles specially adapted to mitigate the rigour of their infirmities.
“’Tis the only chance, ” cried the young chieftain in command — he was scarcely sixty. “’Tis the only chance! The Reserved Reserve will advance! Quick march — double — charge! ”
In a moment there was a general movement of Bath-chairs. The strange battalion at an easy trot steadily pursued its way. Then happened a remarkable occurrence. The enemy were completely taken by surprise. Full of superstition, they regarded this unlookedfor manoeuvre as something supernatural. They were prepared to
meet men — or rather children — but not ghosts! As they saw the old fogies coming towards them in their invalid carriages, they lost heart. In a word, they uttered a piercing shriek of consternation, and hurriedly retired. The retreat changed immediately into a rout.
The honour of England was saved! The battle had been won by “Old Parr’s Brigade! ”
“General Officers and Honorary Colonels! ” cried the now triumphant Sub-Lieutenant to the venerable conquerors as they leisurely returned and feebly produced ear-trumpets, so that they might listen to their leader s complimentary harangue — General Officers and Honorary Colonels, I thank you! Inkermann has been called ‘the Soldiers’ Battle, ’ but to-day shall he remembered — aye, for ever — as the Victory of the Retired List!
And so the fight ended. The Generals were wheeled back to their respective Clubs, and the Sub-Lieutenant within five years was gazetted (out of his turn) to a company. This last step gave the greatest possible satisfaction to the lucky Captain and his friends,
although causing — for awhile — a little heart-burning among the hundreds of his seniors, who now perforce became his juniors. This was natural enough, as the well-merited promotion produced stag
nation in the British Army for several generations. But (as the Press subsequently remarked)“ What are private interests worth
when weighed in the scales with Pluck, Merit, and the Good of the Public? ”
To conclude. Shortly after the hero had received his reward, a family group were assembled in the newly-furnished quarters that had been given to him in recognition of his hardly-earned advancement.
“Nay, do not give me all the praise, ” said the successful tactician to his grandchildren as they heartily congratulated him on his first appearance in the uniform of a Junior Captain in a Marching Regi
ment of the Line. “Do not give me all the praise. I owe my present rank to the services of others. I should have lost the day without the charge of the General Officers on the Retired List. ”
And the whole nation agreed with him (as they settled with the tax-collector) that the charge of the General Officers on the Retired List was a heavy one indeed!
A YOUNG TURK.
Governess. “How bars you, Tommy? I shall tell tour Mamma! ”
Tommy. “On, I don’t care what Mamma says! She’s too young! ”
OVER COLLEGE. — President, Earl Granville, K. G.
For particulars apply to Rev. W. Bell, M. A., the Head Master; or W. Knocker, Esq., Hon. Sec. — Timet.
Ye parents that with anxious eyes
Scan rival school lists over,
Your troubles spare, and spare your sighs, And take the train to Dover.
For lo! that city s classic gate
(No distance from the station)
Supplies you, wondrous to relate, With every information;
Go when you will, by light, by dark,
You could not get it faster —
The Knocker is the College Clerk! The Bell is the Head Master!
And if one says what is not true,
Or contradicts the other,
It’s plain to see what you may do Without the slightest bother.
For you upon them both may frown,
And say that you are shocked, or May knock the Secretary down,
And then ring up the Doctor.
Lines for Home-Rule Legislation.
As Property has its duties as well as its rights, so, conversely, it has its rights as well as its duties.
The rights of Landed Property in general pertain to the Landlord, but the rights of Irish Landed Property are the rights of the Tenant, and resolve themselves altogether into Tenant Right.
The Irish Landlord ought by rights to have no rights whatever, but duties only.
His duties are his taxes, and the duty of contributing to the relief of distress, and to all other works and objects of benevolence, beneficence, and utility.
A “General” Order. — “Abolish most of them. ” —
(Signed, ) “G. O. T. ”
THE NEXT VICTORY!
(A Sketch for the Historian of the Future. )
All apparently was lost. The Sub-Lieutenant in command (the only British officer young enough to perform the duties of a General) was at his wits’ end. The enemy had gained ground everywhere,
and the scattered battalions of Old England were gradually rallying round their respective head-quarters — the Infants’ Schools from which they had drawn their recruits. Non-Commissioned Officers of nearly two months’ standing were taking their places in the junior classes of the Educational Establishments just mentioned from force of habit, and their “men” were crying as of old for the recentlydeserted sugarstick and the lately-relinquished box of bricks.
“What am I to do? ” murmured the Sub-Lieutenant, as an aged Captain from the List of Officers of the Reserve approached him.
“Half a century of service rather more passive than active has rendered me a little rusty. I do not feel equal to giving you advice. ”
This was said with a heavy sigh, and a moment later the elderly speaker had succumbed to a dead faint, produced by the overwhelming weight of more than eighty years of comparative inaction.
“Let ms help you? ”
It was a very faint whisper — the outcome of extreme old age. The Sub-Lieutenant wavered. He had been addressed by an ancient General, who, with some thousand colleagues senior to himself, were
gathered together in a, group, seated in vehicles specially adapted to mitigate the rigour of their infirmities.
“’Tis the only chance, ” cried the young chieftain in command — he was scarcely sixty. “’Tis the only chance! The Reserved Reserve will advance! Quick march — double — charge! ”
In a moment there was a general movement of Bath-chairs. The strange battalion at an easy trot steadily pursued its way. Then happened a remarkable occurrence. The enemy were completely taken by surprise. Full of superstition, they regarded this unlookedfor manoeuvre as something supernatural. They were prepared to
meet men — or rather children — but not ghosts! As they saw the old fogies coming towards them in their invalid carriages, they lost heart. In a word, they uttered a piercing shriek of consternation, and hurriedly retired. The retreat changed immediately into a rout.
The honour of England was saved! The battle had been won by “Old Parr’s Brigade! ”
“General Officers and Honorary Colonels! ” cried the now triumphant Sub-Lieutenant to the venerable conquerors as they leisurely returned and feebly produced ear-trumpets, so that they might listen to their leader s complimentary harangue — General Officers and Honorary Colonels, I thank you! Inkermann has been called ‘the Soldiers’ Battle, ’ but to-day shall he remembered — aye, for ever — as the Victory of the Retired List!
And so the fight ended. The Generals were wheeled back to their respective Clubs, and the Sub-Lieutenant within five years was gazetted (out of his turn) to a company. This last step gave the greatest possible satisfaction to the lucky Captain and his friends,
although causing — for awhile — a little heart-burning among the hundreds of his seniors, who now perforce became his juniors. This was natural enough, as the well-merited promotion produced stag
nation in the British Army for several generations. But (as the Press subsequently remarked)“ What are private interests worth
when weighed in the scales with Pluck, Merit, and the Good of the Public? ”
To conclude. Shortly after the hero had received his reward, a family group were assembled in the newly-furnished quarters that had been given to him in recognition of his hardly-earned advancement.
“Nay, do not give me all the praise, ” said the successful tactician to his grandchildren as they heartily congratulated him on his first appearance in the uniform of a Junior Captain in a Marching Regi
ment of the Line. “Do not give me all the praise. I owe my present rank to the services of others. I should have lost the day without the charge of the General Officers on the Retired List. ”
And the whole nation agreed with him (as they settled with the tax-collector) that the charge of the General Officers on the Retired List was a heavy one indeed!
A YOUNG TURK.
Governess. “How bars you, Tommy? I shall tell tour Mamma! ”
Tommy. “On, I don’t care what Mamma says! She’s too young! ”