FRUSTRATED SOCIAL AMBITION.
Collapse op Postlethwaite, Maudle, and Mrs. Cimabue Brown, on reading in a WIDELY-CIRCULATED CONTEMPORARY JOURNAL THAT THEY ONLY EXIST IN Mr. PUNCH S
vivid Imagination. They had fondly flattered themselves that Universal Fame WAS THEIRS AT LAST.
SCHOOL-BOARD PAPERS.—No. 4.
In the City—before Alderman Buncombe.
Present—Clerk, Usher, Police School-Board Officer, Solicitors, Sfc. A lUomati is Standing at the Bar.
Alderman Buncombe. Who is this Woman ?
School-Board Officer. Her name, your Worship, is Jane Jones, and she has been summoned for not sending her son John Jones, aged ten years, to school in terms of the Act of Parliament.
Alderman. And if not, why not ? _ The Hact is a hexeellent one, and ’eaps of money have been spent on it. I’ve always gone in for eddioation, and so long as I ’old this hoffioe I ’ll see that the Hact is obeyed.
A Solicitor rises in Court and addresses the Magistrate.
Solicitor. Please your Worship, I have been requested by a lady client of mine to appear on behalf of this poor woman. But permit me, with all respect, to say that I agree entirely with the opinion your Worship has so eloquently expressed as to the advantages of education, and of which your Worship is so excellent an example there the worthy Alderman draws himself up with much dignity); and I may say at once, without circumlocution --
Alderman. Ain’t that rather a long word ?
Solicitor. I admit it, and apologise accordingly, as I well know the value of your Worship’s time. I may further say at once that Jane Jones admits her hoy has of late been somewhat irregular in his attendance at school.
Alderman. She pleads guilty, don’t she ? ,
Solicitor. Far from it, your Worship, she has, I submit, a good answer to the summons. The fact is, her hoy, being enticed by other boys—and boys, your Worship, will be boys— occasionally plays truant.
Alderman (chuckling). Lor ! I’ve done so many a time myself !
Solicitor. And so have I, and so have all of us in our time. And would it not have been intolerable, your Worship, if your respected mother, or my mother, or anybody else’s
mother, had been dragged into a policecourt, because you, or I, or anyone else had preferred a game of cricket to school ?
That, your Worship will admit, would have been a hard case, but the case of this poor woman is infinitely harder. She is a laundress, and out at her work all day long. She sends the boy to school every morning, and pays his school fees. I con
fidently submit, therefore, that she has done her duty and obeyed the law.
School-Board Officer. The boy attends very irregularly, vour Honour—stays away sometimes whole days. 1 believe what the gentleman says, that it is not his mother’s fault.
Solicitor. Then I ask your Worship upon what principle of law or reason you can
punish one person for the offence of another? If A. commits a murder, can you charge B. with the crime ?
Alderman. Well, it ain’t a question of A. or B., but of A B C. [Loud laughter in Court, in which the worthy Alderman joins.) What does the lor say on this ’ere point? {Addressing the Clerk.)
Clerk. The Act, your Worship, clearly makes the parent responsible for the child’s attendance in all cases.
Solicitor. But the law could never mean that this poor woman should remain all day at school watching her boy while he is being taught.
Alderman. You mean for to say that she would starve while he’s being a-crammed! [Loud laughter in Court, in which the worthy Alderman again joins.)
Solicitor. Ha! ha! Your Worship has stated my argument much better than I covdd myself. But to be serious—if this poor woman is kept dancing attendance on her boy all day, she must neglect her work and starve.
Alderman. That is all very well, but you see we don’t make the lor, do we ?
(Addressing the Clerk, the latter shakes his head.) If we did make the lor, I think we could turn out better work than some folks I know. (Some one in the crowd laughs aloud.) Usher, turn that man out,
and I’ve a great mind to fine him for contempt of Court ! Imperence 1 (Ad
dressing the Defendant, he. continues.) Now we’ve ’eard all that can be said for you,
but I’m bound to toll you that it amounts to nothink. The lor must be obeyed. We ’ave no hoption in this ’ere matter. You must pay a fine of ten shillings.
Clerk. Five shillings, your Worship, is the maximum fine under the Act.
Alderman. Jane Jones, you must pay a fine of five shillings.
Jane Jones. Your Worship, I haven’t five shillings in the world.
School-Board Officer. I must apply for a distress-warrant in this case.
Alderman. Very good. Now then, look sharp 1 Call on the next case.
A Forcible Reply.
The Great Conservative Deadlock Party say the country is being ruined by what they are pleased to call the “ Revolu
tionary Party.” The country replies in the most unmistakeable manner by send
ing up Consols to 102 1/2 —the highest figure reached during the present century. Con
sols are peculiar, almost to the verge of rudeness. When Lord Palmerston died,
they went down two-and-sixpence ; an l when Lord Beaconsfield died, even th s slender compliment was denied to him.
Collapse op Postlethwaite, Maudle, and Mrs. Cimabue Brown, on reading in a WIDELY-CIRCULATED CONTEMPORARY JOURNAL THAT THEY ONLY EXIST IN Mr. PUNCH S
vivid Imagination. They had fondly flattered themselves that Universal Fame WAS THEIRS AT LAST.
SCHOOL-BOARD PAPERS.—No. 4.
In the City—before Alderman Buncombe.
Present—Clerk, Usher, Police School-Board Officer, Solicitors, Sfc. A lUomati is Standing at the Bar.
Alderman Buncombe. Who is this Woman ?
School-Board Officer. Her name, your Worship, is Jane Jones, and she has been summoned for not sending her son John Jones, aged ten years, to school in terms of the Act of Parliament.
Alderman. And if not, why not ? _ The Hact is a hexeellent one, and ’eaps of money have been spent on it. I’ve always gone in for eddioation, and so long as I ’old this hoffioe I ’ll see that the Hact is obeyed.
A Solicitor rises in Court and addresses the Magistrate.
Solicitor. Please your Worship, I have been requested by a lady client of mine to appear on behalf of this poor woman. But permit me, with all respect, to say that I agree entirely with the opinion your Worship has so eloquently expressed as to the advantages of education, and of which your Worship is so excellent an example there the worthy Alderman draws himself up with much dignity); and I may say at once, without circumlocution --
Alderman. Ain’t that rather a long word ?
Solicitor. I admit it, and apologise accordingly, as I well know the value of your Worship’s time. I may further say at once that Jane Jones admits her hoy has of late been somewhat irregular in his attendance at school.
Alderman. She pleads guilty, don’t she ? ,
Solicitor. Far from it, your Worship, she has, I submit, a good answer to the summons. The fact is, her hoy, being enticed by other boys—and boys, your Worship, will be boys— occasionally plays truant.
Alderman (chuckling). Lor ! I’ve done so many a time myself !
Solicitor. And so have I, and so have all of us in our time. And would it not have been intolerable, your Worship, if your respected mother, or my mother, or anybody else’s
mother, had been dragged into a policecourt, because you, or I, or anyone else had preferred a game of cricket to school ?
That, your Worship will admit, would have been a hard case, but the case of this poor woman is infinitely harder. She is a laundress, and out at her work all day long. She sends the boy to school every morning, and pays his school fees. I con
fidently submit, therefore, that she has done her duty and obeyed the law.
School-Board Officer. The boy attends very irregularly, vour Honour—stays away sometimes whole days. 1 believe what the gentleman says, that it is not his mother’s fault.
Solicitor. Then I ask your Worship upon what principle of law or reason you can
punish one person for the offence of another? If A. commits a murder, can you charge B. with the crime ?
Alderman. Well, it ain’t a question of A. or B., but of A B C. [Loud laughter in Court, in which the worthy Alderman joins.) What does the lor say on this ’ere point? {Addressing the Clerk.)
Clerk. The Act, your Worship, clearly makes the parent responsible for the child’s attendance in all cases.
Solicitor. But the law could never mean that this poor woman should remain all day at school watching her boy while he is being taught.
Alderman. You mean for to say that she would starve while he’s being a-crammed! [Loud laughter in Court, in which the worthy Alderman again joins.)
Solicitor. Ha! ha! Your Worship has stated my argument much better than I covdd myself. But to be serious—if this poor woman is kept dancing attendance on her boy all day, she must neglect her work and starve.
Alderman. That is all very well, but you see we don’t make the lor, do we ?
(Addressing the Clerk, the latter shakes his head.) If we did make the lor, I think we could turn out better work than some folks I know. (Some one in the crowd laughs aloud.) Usher, turn that man out,
and I’ve a great mind to fine him for contempt of Court ! Imperence 1 (Ad
dressing the Defendant, he. continues.) Now we’ve ’eard all that can be said for you,
but I’m bound to toll you that it amounts to nothink. The lor must be obeyed. We ’ave no hoption in this ’ere matter. You must pay a fine of ten shillings.
Clerk. Five shillings, your Worship, is the maximum fine under the Act.
Alderman. Jane Jones, you must pay a fine of five shillings.
Jane Jones. Your Worship, I haven’t five shillings in the world.
School-Board Officer. I must apply for a distress-warrant in this case.
Alderman. Very good. Now then, look sharp 1 Call on the next case.
A Forcible Reply.
The Great Conservative Deadlock Party say the country is being ruined by what they are pleased to call the “ Revolu
tionary Party.” The country replies in the most unmistakeable manner by send
ing up Consols to 102 1/2 —the highest figure reached during the present century. Con
sols are peculiar, almost to the verge of rudeness. When Lord Palmerston died,
they went down two-and-sixpence ; an l when Lord Beaconsfield died, even th s slender compliment was denied to him.