AN IDYLLIC DUET.
(A New Version, as Sung under the Gallery with the Greatest Success by the Sergeant-at-Arms and the Junior Member for Northampton.)
“ Where are you going; to, my stubborn head ? Where are you going to, my stubborn head ? ” “I’m going a-swearmg, Gosset,” he said; “I’m going a-swearing, Gosset,” he said.
“ Then I must come after you, my stubborn head; Then I must come after you, my stubborn head.”
“You may come if you like, Old Gosset,” he said ; “ You may come if youTike, Old Gosset,” he said.
“ Now you ’re tempting your fortime, my stubborn head, Now you ’re tempting your fortime, my stubborn head.” “ Why,—my Oath is my fortune, Gosset,” he said ; “ Why,—my Oath is my fortune, Gosset,” he said.
“ Then, I don’t think muoh of you, my stubborn head, Then, I don’t think much of you, my stubborn head.” “Nobody axed you to, Gosset,” he said; “ Nobody axed you to, Gosset,” he said.
(Dance up the middle, touch shoulder, and down again.)
SUGGESTIONS FOR A MODEL RAILWAY.
[Respectfully Submitted to the Select Committee now Sitting.)
Stations.—To be furnished with a view to comfort of the rich and the Art-education of tho poor. The Platform and First-Class Waiting-Room to be given over for decoration to the Kyrle Society. First and Second-Class Waiting-Rooms to be luxuriously uphol
stered by leading firms wishing to exhibit their choicest wares. Young Women in Refreshment Department to be “ intense.” Lilies to he always ready for iEsthetio luncheon parties. Station-Master to pass an Art-examination before receiving appointment.
Carriages—First- Class.—To be supplied with leading periodicals of the day. Station-Master to preside at excellent circulating
library. Punkahs for summer, hotwater pipes for winter. Band of soft music (stationed in luggage-van) to be laid on by special telephonic wire.
Sofas, arm-chairs, lounges, &c., to be suspended by silken cords to roof of carriage, to prevent vibration. Conserva
tory (with working fountain), billiardrooms, tanks (well stocked for those who like fishing), and Turkish baths to be attached to every compartment.
Second-Class.—To contain good Reference Library. Comforts in every way suitable to a middle-class home. Me
chanical Piano for use of passengers with musical tastes. Chess, bagatelle, the race game, and other amusements of a kindred character.
Third-Class.—Popular Educator in every compartment, at the service of “backward” travellers. Accomplishments—French,
German, the rudiments of drawing, and the use of the globes. At intervals, interesting discourses (by staff of skilled Polytechnic Lecturers), with “brilliant experiments,” during the day. Dissolv
ing-views, illustrating country traversed, during the night. Works of Art lent from the South Kensington Museum, &c., to be changed at the end of every journey.
General Arrangements.—Each train to be accompanied by obliging Directors anxious to afford information on every subject when questioned. Telegraph-wires to be used for displaying the notes of new pieces for the benefit of musical amateurs. Whistling on the engine to be done on the pipes of a deep-toned organ. Names of Stations to be sung in harmony by a choir of porters with carefully selected voices. Arrival of trains to be announced during the day by the sound, of distant joy-bells, and at night by grand display of fireworks. Tunnels to be illuminated with the electric light tem
pered by rose-coloured glasses. Every Junction at which the Public have to wait to change a train, to be supplied with good shooting and other seasonable field-sports. “Amusing rattles” to be ob
tained on application to accompany a dull party of three or more.
Mesmerists to be furnished to wakeful passengers wanting to go to sleep. Ill-natured old maids and troublesome children to be carried to their (destination in mineral trains. Punctuality to be insured by hanging the Traffic Manager whenever there is the slightest cause for complaint. An edition de luxe of Bradshaw s Guide, translated into intelligible English, to be commenced immediately.
And Accidents—to be entirely abolished !
AT MR. GANZ S CONCERT.
He. We are very late, but we are in time for the Fourth Part of this marvellous “ Symphonic Fantastique. A wonderful man is Berlioz.
She. Oh, charming ! Bo original! I hope he ’ll write many more Symphonies.
He [with a vague idea that Berlioz is no more). Yes, yes! He was a Russian, wasn’t he, by the bye P
She [equally fogged). It is a very Russian name.
He [looking at programme). Now for it! Ah!—[pretending he knows it by heart)—this movement illustrates a deep sleep accompa
nied by the most horrible visions. How admirably those loud sounds of the violoncello express one’s idea of a deep sleep !
She [not to be outdone at this game of Brag”). Yes, yes! Listen! Now he thinks he is being led to the scaffold to the strains of a solemn march. How gloomy, how awe-inspiring are those pizzicato touches on the violins !
He [having got another bit by heart). Grand! Grand! Just hearken to the muffled sounds of heavy footsteps! It is finished! Oil, massive ! Oh, grand ! Like a reverie in some old cathedral!
She. It almost moved me to tears. Nothing more exquisitely doleful have I ever heard !
Third Party [leaning over). How do you do ? How are you ? I saw you come in. How late you were ! But you were in time for that third lovely movement.
He and She. Oh, grand! Magnificent! Superb! Solemn!
Third Party. The light rustling of the trees moved, by the wind was so wonderfully expressed ! He [amazed). Eh ?
Third Party. Yes, you noticed it, of course. Did it not conduce to bring to your heart an unaccustomed placidity, and to give to your ideas a more radiant hue ?
She [confounded). What?
Third Party. Why, the Third Part. He and She. Oh, the Third Part!
Ihird Party. Yes ; and now you’ll hear the Fourth Part. Now you will hear a deep sleep accompanied by the most horrible visions, la! ta ! [Exit, and their enjoyment is gone for the Concert.
Lynching in Excslsis.—Suspending a Constitution.
OUR LITTLE GAMES.
Spillikins.
Rackets.
Cricket :—
CARRYING OUT HIS BAT.
High, Low, Jack,
and Game.
(A New Version, as Sung under the Gallery with the Greatest Success by the Sergeant-at-Arms and the Junior Member for Northampton.)
“ Where are you going; to, my stubborn head ? Where are you going to, my stubborn head ? ” “I’m going a-swearmg, Gosset,” he said; “I’m going a-swearing, Gosset,” he said.
“ Then I must come after you, my stubborn head; Then I must come after you, my stubborn head.”
“You may come if you like, Old Gosset,” he said ; “ You may come if youTike, Old Gosset,” he said.
“ Now you ’re tempting your fortime, my stubborn head, Now you ’re tempting your fortime, my stubborn head.” “ Why,—my Oath is my fortune, Gosset,” he said ; “ Why,—my Oath is my fortune, Gosset,” he said.
“ Then, I don’t think muoh of you, my stubborn head, Then, I don’t think much of you, my stubborn head.” “Nobody axed you to, Gosset,” he said; “ Nobody axed you to, Gosset,” he said.
(Dance up the middle, touch shoulder, and down again.)
SUGGESTIONS FOR A MODEL RAILWAY.
[Respectfully Submitted to the Select Committee now Sitting.)
Stations.—To be furnished with a view to comfort of the rich and the Art-education of tho poor. The Platform and First-Class Waiting-Room to be given over for decoration to the Kyrle Society. First and Second-Class Waiting-Rooms to be luxuriously uphol
stered by leading firms wishing to exhibit their choicest wares. Young Women in Refreshment Department to be “ intense.” Lilies to he always ready for iEsthetio luncheon parties. Station-Master to pass an Art-examination before receiving appointment.
Carriages—First- Class.—To be supplied with leading periodicals of the day. Station-Master to preside at excellent circulating
library. Punkahs for summer, hotwater pipes for winter. Band of soft music (stationed in luggage-van) to be laid on by special telephonic wire.
Sofas, arm-chairs, lounges, &c., to be suspended by silken cords to roof of carriage, to prevent vibration. Conserva
tory (with working fountain), billiardrooms, tanks (well stocked for those who like fishing), and Turkish baths to be attached to every compartment.
Second-Class.—To contain good Reference Library. Comforts in every way suitable to a middle-class home. Me
chanical Piano for use of passengers with musical tastes. Chess, bagatelle, the race game, and other amusements of a kindred character.
Third-Class.—Popular Educator in every compartment, at the service of “backward” travellers. Accomplishments—French,
German, the rudiments of drawing, and the use of the globes. At intervals, interesting discourses (by staff of skilled Polytechnic Lecturers), with “brilliant experiments,” during the day. Dissolv
ing-views, illustrating country traversed, during the night. Works of Art lent from the South Kensington Museum, &c., to be changed at the end of every journey.
General Arrangements.—Each train to be accompanied by obliging Directors anxious to afford information on every subject when questioned. Telegraph-wires to be used for displaying the notes of new pieces for the benefit of musical amateurs. Whistling on the engine to be done on the pipes of a deep-toned organ. Names of Stations to be sung in harmony by a choir of porters with carefully selected voices. Arrival of trains to be announced during the day by the sound, of distant joy-bells, and at night by grand display of fireworks. Tunnels to be illuminated with the electric light tem
pered by rose-coloured glasses. Every Junction at which the Public have to wait to change a train, to be supplied with good shooting and other seasonable field-sports. “Amusing rattles” to be ob
tained on application to accompany a dull party of three or more.
Mesmerists to be furnished to wakeful passengers wanting to go to sleep. Ill-natured old maids and troublesome children to be carried to their (destination in mineral trains. Punctuality to be insured by hanging the Traffic Manager whenever there is the slightest cause for complaint. An edition de luxe of Bradshaw s Guide, translated into intelligible English, to be commenced immediately.
And Accidents—to be entirely abolished !
AT MR. GANZ S CONCERT.
He. We are very late, but we are in time for the Fourth Part of this marvellous “ Symphonic Fantastique. A wonderful man is Berlioz.
She. Oh, charming ! Bo original! I hope he ’ll write many more Symphonies.
He [with a vague idea that Berlioz is no more). Yes, yes! He was a Russian, wasn’t he, by the bye P
She [equally fogged). It is a very Russian name.
He [looking at programme). Now for it! Ah!—[pretending he knows it by heart)—this movement illustrates a deep sleep accompa
nied by the most horrible visions. How admirably those loud sounds of the violoncello express one’s idea of a deep sleep !
She [not to be outdone at this game of Brag”). Yes, yes! Listen! Now he thinks he is being led to the scaffold to the strains of a solemn march. How gloomy, how awe-inspiring are those pizzicato touches on the violins !
He [having got another bit by heart). Grand! Grand! Just hearken to the muffled sounds of heavy footsteps! It is finished! Oil, massive ! Oh, grand ! Like a reverie in some old cathedral!
She. It almost moved me to tears. Nothing more exquisitely doleful have I ever heard !
Third Party [leaning over). How do you do ? How are you ? I saw you come in. How late you were ! But you were in time for that third lovely movement.
He and She. Oh, grand! Magnificent! Superb! Solemn!
Third Party. The light rustling of the trees moved, by the wind was so wonderfully expressed ! He [amazed). Eh ?
Third Party. Yes, you noticed it, of course. Did it not conduce to bring to your heart an unaccustomed placidity, and to give to your ideas a more radiant hue ?
She [confounded). What?
Third Party. Why, the Third Part. He and She. Oh, the Third Part!
Ihird Party. Yes ; and now you’ll hear the Fourth Part. Now you will hear a deep sleep accompanied by the most horrible visions, la! ta ! [Exit, and their enjoyment is gone for the Concert.
Lynching in Excslsis.—Suspending a Constitution.
OUR LITTLE GAMES.
Spillikins.
Rackets.
Cricket :—
CARRYING OUT HIS BAT.
High, Low, Jack,
and Game.