TENNYSON AT BILLINGSGATE. Take ! Take ! Take !
Oh grabber of swag from the sea, And I shouldn’t quite like to utter
The thoughts that occur to me!
Oh, ill for the fisherman poor
That he toils for a trifle all day,
And ill for the mueh-diddled public That has through the nose to pay.
And the swelling monopolist drives
To his villa at Haverstook Hill,
But it’s oh for the number of poor men’s lives Food-stinted to plump his till!
Take ! Take! Take!
Oh grabber of swag from the sea.
But you ll render a reckoning one of these days To the public and Mr. P.
THE WATER FAMINE IN PARIS.
Inflections of a Parisian. We have a Water Famine. Paris thirsts.
When Paris thirsts all the world is thirsty. C est terrible !
Mais c est magniflqite !
The Municipal Administration counsels one not to waste water.
It arrives then that I do not wash myself. N importe !
I will cheerfully sacrifice myself for the good of my country!
Royal Academy Holiday.
Some of the leading Royal Academicians contemplate a yachting trip. There is some talk of purchasing, if the owner will sell, or hiring, if the owner will let, the well-known yacht La tuna. It will be re-christened the Sir Frederick Leiglitona, and then the Late Owner will have nothing to do with it. “It’s a beautiful sea vessel,” writes Mr. E. L. S-mii-ene, R.P.A., “only it goes so Rowley.”
DIPLOMACY IN THE DOG-DAYS.
France to Germany.—Dearest B-ssi-bck, how funny, to he sure, it seems to be addressing you in terms of endearment!
Suppose I shall get used to it in time! How about Tripoli ? You don’t object to me annexing it, do you? It doesn’t matter a straw about England—but how about Russia, eh?
Germany to France.—Go it, my boy ! Annex the Great Sahara, if you like. Quite right, who cares about England ? Russia says she feels bound—ahem!—to respect independence and integrity of Ottoman Empire, but still you need fear no stupid opposition from her at Tripoli. Can she do a revolt in Roumelia for you, to
keep Sultan quiet ?
France to Germany.—A thousand thanks, mon cher ami! M. Roustan ordered to pick a quarrel with Tripoli at once. Troops all ready. How can we ever repay you ?
Germany to France.—Well, of course you’ll let us take Belgium, won’t you? And give us written promise not to interfere with Elsass and Lothringen again, eh ?
France to Germany.—Elsass ! Lothringen! Don’t know such places. Promise not to interfere! Belgium to be yours! A thousand furies! Pardon me, ’tis the hot weather; but we must
stop this correspondence at once. Gambetta agrees. Troops for Tripoli countermanded. Orders to wait on Alsatian frontier instead. Have just made offensive and defensive alliance with England. What do you say now? Vile beer-swilling Teuton! Vandal! Goth!
Germany to France.- Sorry to discompose you. but don’t you wish you may get Elsass back again? Alliance with England! Why,
we ’ve got one too—made by Lord S-L-sb-by when he was at Berlin ! Where are you now, eh ? Frog-eater!
Austria to Russia.—So glad to hoar that you’ve determined to snub England. How about her fleet, though ? Well, never mind.
How about Italy, too ? Never mind, again. Shall we take Bulgaria and Salonica at once, or wait a few months ?
Russia to Austria.—Our entente cordials delightful! Such a sell
for England! Germany quite approves. What was that you said about Bulgaria and Salonica ?
Austria to Russia.—Why, naturally we want a good slice of Turkey ! You can have Constantinople, you know—that is, if you can get it, of course.
Russia to Austria.—Salonica yours ! Bulgaria, too ! Never ! That ’.s what you’ve been aiming at, is it ? Let me tell you, we’ve just completed alliance with England and Germany against you! Feel rather out of it now, eh ? Vile Teuton-Magyar-Czech-Croat Mixture ! Army-corps ordered to your frontier.
Austria to Russia.—Slav villain! Alliance with England and Germany against us! Why, we’ve got private letter from Lord
S-l-sb-ry, actually inviting ps to walk into Salonica. We’ll doit now. Germany is only deceiving you. We ve got alliance with her, too. Where are you now, eh? lou can stew in your own bear s- grease, Muscovite trioksters! Troops ordered to meet yours at frontier. Au revoir !
THE WAY WE DANCE NOW.
(From the Sail-Boom Conversation Book—latest Knigktsbridge Edition.)
I will never believe the Duchess paid only £10,000 for these flowers.
The refreshments are certainly excellent, but I am sorry to hear the Earl has had to cut off the entail.
Pretty idea that to give you a five-pound note for a hat-ticket. Surely that is the man in possession waltzing with the hostess !
Considering the success of the fete, I think it would be a great mistake were the Duke to finish by blowing his brains out.
I am not surprised to hear that every one of the couples standing up for this quadrille have had to put down their carriages.
The recollection of such a charming cotillon cannot fail to console the Baronet in the Bankruptcy Court.
There,—come into supper, and never mind the mortgagee.
Yes, it’s a fact; this entertainment has cost the subscribing hosts only a hundred and sixty guineas a-piece.
THE ANTI-SEMITIC MOVEMENT.
Bistinguished Visitor (asking the Boys a few Questions in Sacred History). “ Can you tell mf. about the Plaques of Egypt ? Now what were they?”
Small Boy (promptly). “Jews, Sill!
Oh grabber of swag from the sea, And I shouldn’t quite like to utter
The thoughts that occur to me!
Oh, ill for the fisherman poor
That he toils for a trifle all day,
And ill for the mueh-diddled public That has through the nose to pay.
And the swelling monopolist drives
To his villa at Haverstook Hill,
But it’s oh for the number of poor men’s lives Food-stinted to plump his till!
Take ! Take! Take!
Oh grabber of swag from the sea.
But you ll render a reckoning one of these days To the public and Mr. P.
THE WATER FAMINE IN PARIS.
Inflections of a Parisian. We have a Water Famine. Paris thirsts.
When Paris thirsts all the world is thirsty. C est terrible !
Mais c est magniflqite !
The Municipal Administration counsels one not to waste water.
It arrives then that I do not wash myself. N importe !
I will cheerfully sacrifice myself for the good of my country!
Royal Academy Holiday.
Some of the leading Royal Academicians contemplate a yachting trip. There is some talk of purchasing, if the owner will sell, or hiring, if the owner will let, the well-known yacht La tuna. It will be re-christened the Sir Frederick Leiglitona, and then the Late Owner will have nothing to do with it. “It’s a beautiful sea vessel,” writes Mr. E. L. S-mii-ene, R.P.A., “only it goes so Rowley.”
DIPLOMACY IN THE DOG-DAYS.
France to Germany.—Dearest B-ssi-bck, how funny, to he sure, it seems to be addressing you in terms of endearment!
Suppose I shall get used to it in time! How about Tripoli ? You don’t object to me annexing it, do you? It doesn’t matter a straw about England—but how about Russia, eh?
Germany to France.—Go it, my boy ! Annex the Great Sahara, if you like. Quite right, who cares about England ? Russia says she feels bound—ahem!—to respect independence and integrity of Ottoman Empire, but still you need fear no stupid opposition from her at Tripoli. Can she do a revolt in Roumelia for you, to
keep Sultan quiet ?
France to Germany.—A thousand thanks, mon cher ami! M. Roustan ordered to pick a quarrel with Tripoli at once. Troops all ready. How can we ever repay you ?
Germany to France.—Well, of course you’ll let us take Belgium, won’t you? And give us written promise not to interfere with Elsass and Lothringen again, eh ?
France to Germany.—Elsass ! Lothringen! Don’t know such places. Promise not to interfere! Belgium to be yours! A thousand furies! Pardon me, ’tis the hot weather; but we must
stop this correspondence at once. Gambetta agrees. Troops for Tripoli countermanded. Orders to wait on Alsatian frontier instead. Have just made offensive and defensive alliance with England. What do you say now? Vile beer-swilling Teuton! Vandal! Goth!
Germany to France.- Sorry to discompose you. but don’t you wish you may get Elsass back again? Alliance with England! Why,
we ’ve got one too—made by Lord S-L-sb-by when he was at Berlin ! Where are you now, eh ? Frog-eater!
Austria to Russia.—So glad to hoar that you’ve determined to snub England. How about her fleet, though ? Well, never mind.
How about Italy, too ? Never mind, again. Shall we take Bulgaria and Salonica at once, or wait a few months ?
Russia to Austria.—Our entente cordials delightful! Such a sell
for England! Germany quite approves. What was that you said about Bulgaria and Salonica ?
Austria to Russia.—Why, naturally we want a good slice of Turkey ! You can have Constantinople, you know—that is, if you can get it, of course.
Russia to Austria.—Salonica yours ! Bulgaria, too ! Never ! That ’.s what you’ve been aiming at, is it ? Let me tell you, we’ve just completed alliance with England and Germany against you! Feel rather out of it now, eh ? Vile Teuton-Magyar-Czech-Croat Mixture ! Army-corps ordered to your frontier.
Austria to Russia.—Slav villain! Alliance with England and Germany against us! Why, we’ve got private letter from Lord
S-l-sb-ry, actually inviting ps to walk into Salonica. We’ll doit now. Germany is only deceiving you. We ve got alliance with her, too. Where are you now, eh? lou can stew in your own bear s- grease, Muscovite trioksters! Troops ordered to meet yours at frontier. Au revoir !
THE WAY WE DANCE NOW.
(From the Sail-Boom Conversation Book—latest Knigktsbridge Edition.)
I will never believe the Duchess paid only £10,000 for these flowers.
The refreshments are certainly excellent, but I am sorry to hear the Earl has had to cut off the entail.
Pretty idea that to give you a five-pound note for a hat-ticket. Surely that is the man in possession waltzing with the hostess !
Considering the success of the fete, I think it would be a great mistake were the Duke to finish by blowing his brains out.
I am not surprised to hear that every one of the couples standing up for this quadrille have had to put down their carriages.
The recollection of such a charming cotillon cannot fail to console the Baronet in the Bankruptcy Court.
There,—come into supper, and never mind the mortgagee.
Yes, it’s a fact; this entertainment has cost the subscribing hosts only a hundred and sixty guineas a-piece.
THE ANTI-SEMITIC MOVEMENT.
Bistinguished Visitor (asking the Boys a few Questions in Sacred History). “ Can you tell mf. about the Plaques of Egypt ? Now what were they?”
Small Boy (promptly). “Jews, Sill!