cheaper. With Harcourt animosity takes a concrete form. Miniatnre coffins cunningly carved in wood, are what the trusty postman brings him or rusty pistols, in which the darkling eye peering adown the barrel, could behold a “ something.” Postage on these not being
paid in advance came a little heavy. Forster has merely letters, though not of a pleasant kind.
“ Now is our time : Forster to live, or 1 to die,” writes the sanguinary-minded Hickie.
“ If he doesn’t mind,” says Forster, “ I would as soon live.”
“Yes,” says Harcourt, who, even in theso circumstances of sad comradeship, cannot put matters pleasantly, “ yos ; but this sort of fellow does mind.”
Business done.—Considered new Clauses in Land Bill. Arthur Penrhyn Stanley, Born Dec. 13, 1815;
Died July 18, 1881.
With clear, calm eve he fronted Faith, and she,
Despite the clamorous crowd,
Smiled, knowing her soul-loyal votary
At no slave’s altar bowed.
With forward glance beyond polemic scope,
He scanned the sweep of Time,
And everywhere changed looks with blue-eyed Hope,
Victress o’er doubt and crime.
But inward turning, he, of gentle heart,
And spirit mild as free,
Most gladly welcomed, as life’s better part, The rule of Charity.
FROM OUR OWN DODDERESS.
I hear that there is likely to be a change in the perp
etual dark-ooloured perambulators for babyettes. I have noticed several of late which have been painted in light and gorgeous tints. This is a step in the right direction. _____
Why does not somebody patent a new feedingbottle ? Really, the present ones in uso are very dowdy and old-fashioned. Surely some more romantic sub
stance than india-rubber could be utilised for the stem of these valuable additions to a bachelor’s household. _____
The fashions of girlettes’ snoods remain unaltered.
I am hard at work on my little manual, The Rules of Sldpping-Rope for the Nursery, so no more this week from
Yours girlettelishly,
Selina Anne.
A WORD WITH ALDERMAN NOTTAGE.
Mr. Alderman Nottagf, remarked the other day, when trying a case, that he “was aware that asking a Police-constable for his number was liko holding a red flag to a bull,” and he seemed to think that was quite a sufficient excuse for a Policeman taking a Gentleman into custody for demanding his number. Now if a Policeman is rough or impertinent, bullies some poor little street Arab, or otherwise misconducts himself, the only way in which to bring him to justice is to take his number, and so ascertain who he is. That is the reason such a proceeding is like a red flag to a bull, and it is a crying scandal that such should _ be the case. _ It is a scandal also that an Alderman, acting in a judicial capa
city, should encourage and not severely condemn such a feeling among Policemen.
Ninety-Seven in the Shade.
Philosophers say heat’s a means of motion,
And so no doubt it may be, but, methinks, Man’s not a steam-engine, so I’ve a notion
I ’U just lie quiet, and have forty winks.
* Yes, but be won’t lie quiet after forty ’winks—that is, if ’winks are as unwholesome as most shell-fish. But perhaps this is not our contributor’s meaning.—Ed.
LUMPS OP TURKISH DELIGHT.
A simple-minded Bondholder, at the meeting convened to express confidence in Mr. Bourne prior to that Right Hon. Gentleman’s departure for Constanti
nople, wanted to know “ when the Turkish Government would pay four per cent. ? ” Mr. Punch has much pleasure in answering the question.
When the Turk gives up his fez, and appears before the Sultan in a billycock hat. „ . .. ,.
When the Ladies of the Harem accept situations as nursery governesses in quiet families in Clapham. . „
When Constantinople is lighted with the electric light, and all the street curs are sent to the Home for Lost Dogs.
When the proceedings against Midhat Pasha are quashed, and the case is reheard (by tho request of the Sublime Porte) in the Central Criminal Court.
When “ Real Turkish Sherbet,” at a penny a glass, from the New Kent Road, is successfully introduced into Stamboul.
When Penny Steamboats are started in the Bosphorus by a Company the Managing Director of which shall be the Sheik-ul-lslam.
When the Sultan sells off his jewels, gives up his Civil List, and patronises exclusively the Civil Service Stores.
When, in fact, the leopard changes his spots, the negro becomes white, and the sun exchanges places with the moon in nuing over the night.
Then, but not until then, will a Bondholder receive four per cent, interest on the Turkish Debt!
Solving a Problem.
A Thoughtful Contributor raised a question last week, which ho seemed utterly unable to answer. It puzzled him to know why “italics should be to
print what rouge is to women.” An Anonymous, or Anonyma correspondent writes thus:—“ If the italics occur in a pretentious leading article, then, like the rouge, the intention is to draw attention to the cheek. Now, then, stoopid! ”
“ Stoopid,” of course, is not addressed to us, but is evidently applied to our Thoughtful Contributor, the Author of “ Old Parr’s Pars.” He will like it.
THE CHEAP AESTHETIC SWELL.
(Showing ow Arty goes in for the Intense—’Eat. Therm. 97° in the Shade. Twopence I gave for my Sunshade,
A Penny I gave for my Fan, Threepence I paid for my Straw,—Forrin made—
I m a Japan-Esthetic young Man !
paid in advance came a little heavy. Forster has merely letters, though not of a pleasant kind.
“ Now is our time : Forster to live, or 1 to die,” writes the sanguinary-minded Hickie.
“ If he doesn’t mind,” says Forster, “ I would as soon live.”
“Yes,” says Harcourt, who, even in theso circumstances of sad comradeship, cannot put matters pleasantly, “ yos ; but this sort of fellow does mind.”
Business done.—Considered new Clauses in Land Bill. Arthur Penrhyn Stanley, Born Dec. 13, 1815;
Died July 18, 1881.
With clear, calm eve he fronted Faith, and she,
Despite the clamorous crowd,
Smiled, knowing her soul-loyal votary
At no slave’s altar bowed.
With forward glance beyond polemic scope,
He scanned the sweep of Time,
And everywhere changed looks with blue-eyed Hope,
Victress o’er doubt and crime.
But inward turning, he, of gentle heart,
And spirit mild as free,
Most gladly welcomed, as life’s better part, The rule of Charity.
FROM OUR OWN DODDERESS.
I hear that there is likely to be a change in the perp
etual dark-ooloured perambulators for babyettes. I have noticed several of late which have been painted in light and gorgeous tints. This is a step in the right direction. _____
Why does not somebody patent a new feedingbottle ? Really, the present ones in uso are very dowdy and old-fashioned. Surely some more romantic sub
stance than india-rubber could be utilised for the stem of these valuable additions to a bachelor’s household. _____
The fashions of girlettes’ snoods remain unaltered.
I am hard at work on my little manual, The Rules of Sldpping-Rope for the Nursery, so no more this week from
Yours girlettelishly,
Selina Anne.
A WORD WITH ALDERMAN NOTTAGE.
Mr. Alderman Nottagf, remarked the other day, when trying a case, that he “was aware that asking a Police-constable for his number was liko holding a red flag to a bull,” and he seemed to think that was quite a sufficient excuse for a Policeman taking a Gentleman into custody for demanding his number. Now if a Policeman is rough or impertinent, bullies some poor little street Arab, or otherwise misconducts himself, the only way in which to bring him to justice is to take his number, and so ascertain who he is. That is the reason such a proceeding is like a red flag to a bull, and it is a crying scandal that such should _ be the case. _ It is a scandal also that an Alderman, acting in a judicial capa
city, should encourage and not severely condemn such a feeling among Policemen.
Ninety-Seven in the Shade.
Philosophers say heat’s a means of motion,
And so no doubt it may be, but, methinks, Man’s not a steam-engine, so I’ve a notion
I ’U just lie quiet, and have forty winks.
* Yes, but be won’t lie quiet after forty ’winks—that is, if ’winks are as unwholesome as most shell-fish. But perhaps this is not our contributor’s meaning.—Ed.
LUMPS OP TURKISH DELIGHT.
A simple-minded Bondholder, at the meeting convened to express confidence in Mr. Bourne prior to that Right Hon. Gentleman’s departure for Constanti
nople, wanted to know “ when the Turkish Government would pay four per cent. ? ” Mr. Punch has much pleasure in answering the question.
When the Turk gives up his fez, and appears before the Sultan in a billycock hat. „ . .. ,.
When the Ladies of the Harem accept situations as nursery governesses in quiet families in Clapham. . „
When Constantinople is lighted with the electric light, and all the street curs are sent to the Home for Lost Dogs.
When the proceedings against Midhat Pasha are quashed, and the case is reheard (by tho request of the Sublime Porte) in the Central Criminal Court.
When “ Real Turkish Sherbet,” at a penny a glass, from the New Kent Road, is successfully introduced into Stamboul.
When Penny Steamboats are started in the Bosphorus by a Company the Managing Director of which shall be the Sheik-ul-lslam.
When the Sultan sells off his jewels, gives up his Civil List, and patronises exclusively the Civil Service Stores.
When, in fact, the leopard changes his spots, the negro becomes white, and the sun exchanges places with the moon in nuing over the night.
Then, but not until then, will a Bondholder receive four per cent, interest on the Turkish Debt!
Solving a Problem.
A Thoughtful Contributor raised a question last week, which ho seemed utterly unable to answer. It puzzled him to know why “italics should be to
print what rouge is to women.” An Anonymous, or Anonyma correspondent writes thus:—“ If the italics occur in a pretentious leading article, then, like the rouge, the intention is to draw attention to the cheek. Now, then, stoopid! ”
“ Stoopid,” of course, is not addressed to us, but is evidently applied to our Thoughtful Contributor, the Author of “ Old Parr’s Pars.” He will like it.
THE CHEAP AESTHETIC SWELL.
(Showing ow Arty goes in for the Intense—’Eat. Therm. 97° in the Shade. Twopence I gave for my Sunshade,
A Penny I gave for my Fan, Threepence I paid for my Straw,—Forrin made—
I m a Japan-Esthetic young Man !