JUST IN TIME.”
Country Gentleman (who had Icen violently dragged into the road by his Wife). “Good gracious, my dear Gal, wh-wh-what ever s the matter?”
Wife (in terrified accents). “Matter! Look what it says on the Board over there— AND WE WERE JUST UNDER THE HOUSE ! HOW FORTUNATE I LOOKED UP ! We MIGHT ’A BEEN—CRUSHED TO ATOMS!”
“FOUND—AN EARTHQUAKE!”
Genius should never go unrewarded, and surely this Policeman whose report we have to chronicle, should be at once raised to a high position in the Force. This individual, on coming off duty, reported as follows to the Superintendent:—“ At 1 45 this morning found an Earthquake opposite No, 207.” ThiB is too delightful, and the only wonder is that the Earth
quake was not “ run in ” and charged with being drunk and disorderly. It seems, however, it was a sober and stationary Earthquake, for when inspected in the morning it was still there—some brickwork which had. given way making a subsidence of the road. It was indeed lucky that it made no attempt to escape, for the consequences of an Earthquake careering round London, pursued by this active and intelligent officer, are too terrible to contemplate. His next report will probably be, “ F’ound a Mare’s Nest,” and then Scotland - Yard will assuredly demand his instant promotion.
THE CABINET TRICK, OCT. 12.
OR, HOW IT WAS HONE.
(From Our Own Insider, who knows the ropes.)
Gl-dst-ne. Well, Gentlemen, there are three courses-----
Sir Wm. II. Ah! we ’vefinished those— let’s come to the dessert.
Mr. F-rst-r. That’s a nut to crack !
Mr. Br-qht. Hope your nut won’t be cracked. Shouldn’t care about being Irish Secretary myself.
Gl-dst-ne. Let’s come to the point. What are we to do with these fellows, Parnell & Co ?
[Awkward pause. Enter Lord H-RT-NGT-N from Newmarket, and not having had a very good time of it there, he is rather “ short.
Lord H-rt-ngt-on. Parnell ? I ’ll tell you. {To Gl-pst-nf,.) You’ve been saying at Leeds what you ’ll do, and S-l-sb-ry’s asking why the deuce you ’re not as good
as your word. Parnell’s been abusing you like a pickpocket. Don’t stand that. I wouldn’t.
Lord K-mh-rl-y. Of course it’s no affair of mine, but I don’t quite see-----
Lord II-rt-ngt-n. I do. And I ’ll lay a hundred to two we do the right thing,
give Sarum and Staff., Dillon & Co. a facer, and have the country with us.
Gl-dst-ne. That’s my idea too.
All {except Lord II-rt-ngt-n). What ? Gl-dst-ne. Arrest Parnell.
All (led by Lord H-rt-ngt-n). Hear! hear!
Mr. F-rst-r. But when ?
Gl-dst-ne. When ? Now. All. Bravo, Guv’nor!
Mr. F-rst-r. But who’s to-----
Gl-dst-ne. One must make a beginning. Here are the warrants, made out all ready.
Sign _ ’em yourself on arriving. Put ’em in your inside pocket. Safe ? All right! Now get on your ulster. There’s a hansom at the door. You ’ll have plenty of time to catch the train and boat.
Mr. F-rst-r. But I’ve only just come over-----
Mr. Gl-dst-ne. Then you’ll only just go back again. Sharp’s the word, and mum. of course. See him off, Harty, my boy, and 1 say F-rst-r, wire over to me at Guildhall
to-morrow when it’s done. It’ll make a first-rato point in my speech. Oh, by the way, just take theso other warrants for
Sexton and the rest. 1 ’ll wire further orders. Now then, don’t stop to shake
hands with anyone—do that when you come back—and be off. “ If ’twere done, ’twere well it were done quickly.” lion voyage! (Lord II. hurries M. F. off.) Now, K-mb-rl-y, let’s get to the Boers, ana put our foot down there !
All. Hear ! hear ! [Left sitting. The Terrific Gale last Thursday
Night and Friday.
“ Such omens met the eye when C.esai
fell,”
It was on Thursday that they tool
Parnell, Then, later on, arrested Quinn anc
Sexton, Then a few more. And now, who ii
the next ’un ?
A Court Theatre Ticket.—The Order of the Garter available only at W indsor as an Order for the Stalls.
Country Gentleman (who had Icen violently dragged into the road by his Wife). “Good gracious, my dear Gal, wh-wh-what ever s the matter?”
Wife (in terrified accents). “Matter! Look what it says on the Board over there— AND WE WERE JUST UNDER THE HOUSE ! HOW FORTUNATE I LOOKED UP ! We MIGHT ’A BEEN—CRUSHED TO ATOMS!”
“FOUND—AN EARTHQUAKE!”
Genius should never go unrewarded, and surely this Policeman whose report we have to chronicle, should be at once raised to a high position in the Force. This individual, on coming off duty, reported as follows to the Superintendent:—“ At 1 45 this morning found an Earthquake opposite No, 207.” ThiB is too delightful, and the only wonder is that the Earth
quake was not “ run in ” and charged with being drunk and disorderly. It seems, however, it was a sober and stationary Earthquake, for when inspected in the morning it was still there—some brickwork which had. given way making a subsidence of the road. It was indeed lucky that it made no attempt to escape, for the consequences of an Earthquake careering round London, pursued by this active and intelligent officer, are too terrible to contemplate. His next report will probably be, “ F’ound a Mare’s Nest,” and then Scotland - Yard will assuredly demand his instant promotion.
THE CABINET TRICK, OCT. 12.
OR, HOW IT WAS HONE.
(From Our Own Insider, who knows the ropes.)
Gl-dst-ne. Well, Gentlemen, there are three courses-----
Sir Wm. II. Ah! we ’vefinished those— let’s come to the dessert.
Mr. F-rst-r. That’s a nut to crack !
Mr. Br-qht. Hope your nut won’t be cracked. Shouldn’t care about being Irish Secretary myself.
Gl-dst-ne. Let’s come to the point. What are we to do with these fellows, Parnell & Co ?
[Awkward pause. Enter Lord H-RT-NGT-N from Newmarket, and not having had a very good time of it there, he is rather “ short.
Lord H-rt-ngt-on. Parnell ? I ’ll tell you. {To Gl-pst-nf,.) You’ve been saying at Leeds what you ’ll do, and S-l-sb-ry’s asking why the deuce you ’re not as good
as your word. Parnell’s been abusing you like a pickpocket. Don’t stand that. I wouldn’t.
Lord K-mh-rl-y. Of course it’s no affair of mine, but I don’t quite see-----
Lord II-rt-ngt-n. I do. And I ’ll lay a hundred to two we do the right thing,
give Sarum and Staff., Dillon & Co. a facer, and have the country with us.
Gl-dst-ne. That’s my idea too.
All {except Lord II-rt-ngt-n). What ? Gl-dst-ne. Arrest Parnell.
All (led by Lord H-rt-ngt-n). Hear! hear!
Mr. F-rst-r. But when ?
Gl-dst-ne. When ? Now. All. Bravo, Guv’nor!
Mr. F-rst-r. But who’s to-----
Gl-dst-ne. One must make a beginning. Here are the warrants, made out all ready.
Sign _ ’em yourself on arriving. Put ’em in your inside pocket. Safe ? All right! Now get on your ulster. There’s a hansom at the door. You ’ll have plenty of time to catch the train and boat.
Mr. F-rst-r. But I’ve only just come over-----
Mr. Gl-dst-ne. Then you’ll only just go back again. Sharp’s the word, and mum. of course. See him off, Harty, my boy, and 1 say F-rst-r, wire over to me at Guildhall
to-morrow when it’s done. It’ll make a first-rato point in my speech. Oh, by the way, just take theso other warrants for
Sexton and the rest. 1 ’ll wire further orders. Now then, don’t stop to shake
hands with anyone—do that when you come back—and be off. “ If ’twere done, ’twere well it were done quickly.” lion voyage! (Lord II. hurries M. F. off.) Now, K-mb-rl-y, let’s get to the Boers, ana put our foot down there !
All. Hear ! hear ! [Left sitting. The Terrific Gale last Thursday
Night and Friday.
“ Such omens met the eye when C.esai
fell,”
It was on Thursday that they tool
Parnell, Then, later on, arrested Quinn anc
Sexton, Then a few more. And now, who ii
the next ’un ?
A Court Theatre Ticket.—The Order of the Garter available only at W indsor as an Order for the Stalls.