as many unutterable things as possible—we fancy we once caught him winking at a Lady-in-waiting—and plays dumb crambo—(Arch
bishop Crambo, not a bad name)—by himself in any available space he can occupy, leaving it to the audience to find out what on earth he means by it.
Then, after the window-curtain had been withdrawn, _ to show Anne the scaffold, which being more like a platform outside a tra
velling show, naturally elicited from her a strong expression of disgust and disappointment, a bell tolled, and she herself became the “ belle who was tolled oft for instant axe-cution,” as Archbishop Crambo might have said, by way of a good tag—just to enliven the
situation a bit—had he not been intent on preserving his equilibrium in a most trying attitude, which reflects the greatest credit both on himself and his dancing-master. _ If he actually was on one leg, he
ought just to have hitched up his cassock an inch or two, and so obtained the full credit of a really clever performance.
Then somebody, in the orchestra I fancy, gave a startling whack on the drum, whether to signify that the unfortunate Anne had just been hit on the head by mistake, or that her head had made this noise in dropping on to the scaffold, or only to imitate a cannon, (in which it signally failed,) we were unable_ to learn. But as it had tlie effect of effectually stopping Archbishop Crambo’s entertain
ment., and of bringing the Curtain down pretty sharply, we may fairly conclude that this bang on the drum was intended to convey the rather stale intelligence, “ Queen Anne’s Dead.”
At the Adelphi, Miss Clara Jecks has made a decided hit as Josephs, the good young boy who dies in Never too late to Mend.
There’s not a dry eye in the house at the close of that Act, and it is not before the other eye has been thoroughly wetted during the entr acte, that the audience is able to sit down composedly to hear the remainder of the piece. If it wasn’t for Mr. Calhaem as Jacky making them laugh, they’d be a long time in overcoming their grief. The piece draws—tears, “ and,” as the learned Josephus Millf.e says, “judging by the crowded state of the house, it draws tiers on
tiers.” Never too Late to Mend ought to be well supported by the washerwomen, for we have seldom seen so many pocket-handker
chiefs in use as during that Poor Joe Scene. “Never again with you,
Bobbin’,” as we observed to our fair companion, when, the cambric being exhausted, we were compelled to offer our ten-and-sixpenny cache-nez to dry her eyes with—and—it’ll “never comeback no more.”
CIVIC ORATORY.
We learn, from the Ratepayer and Trader, that at a meeting of the United Wards Club a discussion was opened on the “ Municipal Reform of London,” when a Common Councilman—or perhaps we ought to say an Uncommon Councilman—made the following glowing defence of the Corporation:—
“ This is the grandest city in the world ! I was born in it, so was my mother, so was my father ; and what harm has it done ? Mr.
Fikth’s book is an absolute tissue of falsehoods. Mr. Newbon’s scheme is ridiculous. He has talked about turtle-soup and the gilt coach, but I love the grand old Corporation as I love my own! [Laughter.) It is no crime. I hope not one brick of it will be touched. We have a mortmain of £20,000 a year, and it grows day by day.
“ Those fellows who write such hooks as Mr. Fietii’s would like to get some of it. I know a man in Whitechapel who would like to get my watch. I have jotted down a note or two. I am told there are four millions of people crying for help. I haven’t heard of ’em. I have heard of Mr. 1 ieth, who wants to get something he can 1 claw.’ I can find ten thousand Mr. Firths in fifty hours, who want to get 1 what isn’t his.’ His book is a tissuo of falsehoods. It is lies—lies! I have jotted down a note or two. How about the Commissioners of Sewers ? Do they ‘ bag ’ anything P Don’t touch the old place, don’t ‘ change the name of the Firm.’ A ranting Member of Parliament comes from Chelsea, with a few hangers-on,
and they think they will get something when they strike at the old Corporation. Some people talk of abuses, but I ask, ‘ Where are they? Why the deuce don’t you point ’em out?’ [Laughter.) I hope we shall stand steadfast, like men. Let the present state of London, and its grand institutions, remain intact. Let us not touch a brick of it! (Cheers.) ”
The audienco appear to have heen so electrified with this brilliant harangue, that they resolved to ask Mr. Firth to attend the next meeting of the Club, and begin the discussion all over again ?
to ’aeey.
No, ’Aeey ; Mr. Sullivan has not written a Temperance Watercantata called The Martyr of Anti- oc. It’s an Oratorio, and is called The Martyr of Antioch. But we suppose ’Aeey must omit an “ h ” somewhere.
CHANGE AND BARTER.
TO PEOPLE OF LIMITED INCOME.—The carcase of an Elephant -L for sale. Widow ladies, and Spinsters of gentle birth, who ivould be glad, by devoting a portion of their leisure time to the prosecution of a light and pleasing employment, to add substantially to their means, will, on for
warding the sum of One Shilling in Stamps to advertiser, receive by return of post the above, together with a full and complete paper of directions to enable them to acquire the art of stuffing the larger carnivorous animals. Materials cost but a few pence, and the occupation, which is elegant and easily acquired, can be carried on quite unobtrusively in the most fashionablo drawing-room. A child can do it. Printed testimonials from thousands.
N.B. If liked, pachydermatous monsters of any size or style can be procured at a moderate commission.—Apply, Professor X., IIocus Row, Scuttling Street, S.
UTUAL SOCIAL ACCOMMODATION.—A Tenor of remarkable
power who has studied in Italy, but who, having carried off the gold medals of several European Academies, has deemed it advisable for the future
to prosecute his professional labours in England, is anxious to meet with a quiet and comfortable home in a thoroughly respectable family, where an occasional display of his artistic abilities would be regarded as an equivalent for board, lodging, the use of a carriage and pair, and an introduction to a brilliant and refined society. An aged and childless couple, wishing to enliven their declining years by the adoption of an heir who could entertain them continually with selections (either in or out of character) from an extensive operatic repertoire, and be happy to throw in, if required, some entirely new and eccentric nigger business, would find this an eligible oppor
tunity. As the wonderful force and shrillness of the advertiser’s C from the chest earned for him in the Western States of America the complimentary sobriquet of the Hoot de Poitrine, deaf maniacs in need of a new sensation might communicate. Has acted with much effect as a fog-horn on a Channel Steamer. Also can give imitations of Mr. Irving. By Address, Hurdigardo, Post Office, Bawls Pond.
O SAUSAGE MANUFACTURERS.—A Learned Pig to be disposed
of. This unique and accomplished creature, that has been for many years perseveringly trained by an eccentric Nobleman, as a personal relaxation from the duties and cares of Parliamentary life, having unfortunately been severely shaken in a Railway Collision, that has somewhat impaired its intellectual powers, will be parted with by tho present proprietor on very liberal terms. Can still go through the Alphabet if the consonants are omitted, and tell fortunes fairly on a pack of cards, when assisted by onions. Has been taught to leave the room on being called “Aaron,” but since the
accident has, when reminded with a pair of pincers, answered more easily to the name of “ Oliver Cromwell.” Having in its best days appeared in a Mimic Steeple Chase at a Circus, it could, with a monkey on its back, admir
ably supply the place of a Carriage Dog to any turn-out, the owner of which happened to be anxious to create an entirely new and startling sensation in the park. Would not object to sit as permanent advertisement in office window of an Anti-Vivisection Society, and be eaten by the Committee at Christmas. N.B.—Is perfectly well, and has had Trichinosis. For full particulars as to
intellectual feats or estimated capabilities, if required solely for bacon, apply to Utile Dulci, The Styes, West Ham.
O THE ENTERPRISING—Wonderful Invention to be parted with
at once. An Experimental Chemist, of high repute, who lias devoted his lifetime to the object, has, after a series of exhaustive and costly experi
ments, almost perfected the manufacture of a Safety Blasting Powder. As
the windows are at present blown out and the roof removed from his own villa, and the prosecution of his project meets with but half-hearted encouragement from the householders in his immediate neighbourhood, a quiet home, where he could continue his researches with vigour, would be regarded by him as a fair equivalent for a share of his secret and its ultimate profits. A secluded country parsonage, not too near a church, of which tho steeple lias been pro
nounced sound, would thoroughly suit the advertiser. Will bring bis own fire extinguishers, outer wall stays, and cellar bearings, and find family in Coxton’s Patent Deaf Wool, and Blakeley’s Artillery Head and Chest Pro
tectors. A Vicar, not on very good terms with his parishioners, will find tl.is a first-rato opportunity.—Apply, X., Post-Office, Gunnersbury.
The Noble Arts.
The laws that ruled “ The Noble Art ”
Decreed a blow by rival dealt
Was quite unfair, when in a part
That’s just an inch below the belt. A trial on the list is down
To fix—unless both parties melt— Whether some statues in this town
Are, or aren’t, “ hits” above a Belt.
SPANISH AT SECOND HAND.
Is it true, as stated, that, whereas in 1868 as many as 35,000,000 gallons of wine were exported from Spain to France, that amount is this year in course of being trebled ? Because, if so, why cannot Britannia import her Claret and Burgundy from Spain direct ? And can it be that Chateau Lafite comes from one of tne Chateaux en Espagne t
bishop Crambo, not a bad name)—by himself in any available space he can occupy, leaving it to the audience to find out what on earth he means by it.
Then, after the window-curtain had been withdrawn, _ to show Anne the scaffold, which being more like a platform outside a tra
velling show, naturally elicited from her a strong expression of disgust and disappointment, a bell tolled, and she herself became the “ belle who was tolled oft for instant axe-cution,” as Archbishop Crambo might have said, by way of a good tag—just to enliven the
situation a bit—had he not been intent on preserving his equilibrium in a most trying attitude, which reflects the greatest credit both on himself and his dancing-master. _ If he actually was on one leg, he
ought just to have hitched up his cassock an inch or two, and so obtained the full credit of a really clever performance.
Then somebody, in the orchestra I fancy, gave a startling whack on the drum, whether to signify that the unfortunate Anne had just been hit on the head by mistake, or that her head had made this noise in dropping on to the scaffold, or only to imitate a cannon, (in which it signally failed,) we were unable_ to learn. But as it had tlie effect of effectually stopping Archbishop Crambo’s entertain
ment., and of bringing the Curtain down pretty sharply, we may fairly conclude that this bang on the drum was intended to convey the rather stale intelligence, “ Queen Anne’s Dead.”
At the Adelphi, Miss Clara Jecks has made a decided hit as Josephs, the good young boy who dies in Never too late to Mend.
There’s not a dry eye in the house at the close of that Act, and it is not before the other eye has been thoroughly wetted during the entr acte, that the audience is able to sit down composedly to hear the remainder of the piece. If it wasn’t for Mr. Calhaem as Jacky making them laugh, they’d be a long time in overcoming their grief. The piece draws—tears, “ and,” as the learned Josephus Millf.e says, “judging by the crowded state of the house, it draws tiers on
tiers.” Never too Late to Mend ought to be well supported by the washerwomen, for we have seldom seen so many pocket-handker
chiefs in use as during that Poor Joe Scene. “Never again with you,
Bobbin’,” as we observed to our fair companion, when, the cambric being exhausted, we were compelled to offer our ten-and-sixpenny cache-nez to dry her eyes with—and—it’ll “never comeback no more.”
CIVIC ORATORY.
We learn, from the Ratepayer and Trader, that at a meeting of the United Wards Club a discussion was opened on the “ Municipal Reform of London,” when a Common Councilman—or perhaps we ought to say an Uncommon Councilman—made the following glowing defence of the Corporation:—
“ This is the grandest city in the world ! I was born in it, so was my mother, so was my father ; and what harm has it done ? Mr.
Fikth’s book is an absolute tissue of falsehoods. Mr. Newbon’s scheme is ridiculous. He has talked about turtle-soup and the gilt coach, but I love the grand old Corporation as I love my own! [Laughter.) It is no crime. I hope not one brick of it will be touched. We have a mortmain of £20,000 a year, and it grows day by day.
“ Those fellows who write such hooks as Mr. Fietii’s would like to get some of it. I know a man in Whitechapel who would like to get my watch. I have jotted down a note or two. I am told there are four millions of people crying for help. I haven’t heard of ’em. I have heard of Mr. 1 ieth, who wants to get something he can 1 claw.’ I can find ten thousand Mr. Firths in fifty hours, who want to get 1 what isn’t his.’ His book is a tissuo of falsehoods. It is lies—lies! I have jotted down a note or two. How about the Commissioners of Sewers ? Do they ‘ bag ’ anything P Don’t touch the old place, don’t ‘ change the name of the Firm.’ A ranting Member of Parliament comes from Chelsea, with a few hangers-on,
and they think they will get something when they strike at the old Corporation. Some people talk of abuses, but I ask, ‘ Where are they? Why the deuce don’t you point ’em out?’ [Laughter.) I hope we shall stand steadfast, like men. Let the present state of London, and its grand institutions, remain intact. Let us not touch a brick of it! (Cheers.) ”
The audienco appear to have heen so electrified with this brilliant harangue, that they resolved to ask Mr. Firth to attend the next meeting of the Club, and begin the discussion all over again ?
to ’aeey.
No, ’Aeey ; Mr. Sullivan has not written a Temperance Watercantata called The Martyr of Anti- oc. It’s an Oratorio, and is called The Martyr of Antioch. But we suppose ’Aeey must omit an “ h ” somewhere.
CHANGE AND BARTER.
TO PEOPLE OF LIMITED INCOME.—The carcase of an Elephant -L for sale. Widow ladies, and Spinsters of gentle birth, who ivould be glad, by devoting a portion of their leisure time to the prosecution of a light and pleasing employment, to add substantially to their means, will, on for
warding the sum of One Shilling in Stamps to advertiser, receive by return of post the above, together with a full and complete paper of directions to enable them to acquire the art of stuffing the larger carnivorous animals. Materials cost but a few pence, and the occupation, which is elegant and easily acquired, can be carried on quite unobtrusively in the most fashionablo drawing-room. A child can do it. Printed testimonials from thousands.
N.B. If liked, pachydermatous monsters of any size or style can be procured at a moderate commission.—Apply, Professor X., IIocus Row, Scuttling Street, S.
M
UTUAL SOCIAL ACCOMMODATION.—A Tenor of remarkable
power who has studied in Italy, but who, having carried off the gold medals of several European Academies, has deemed it advisable for the future
to prosecute his professional labours in England, is anxious to meet with a quiet and comfortable home in a thoroughly respectable family, where an occasional display of his artistic abilities would be regarded as an equivalent for board, lodging, the use of a carriage and pair, and an introduction to a brilliant and refined society. An aged and childless couple, wishing to enliven their declining years by the adoption of an heir who could entertain them continually with selections (either in or out of character) from an extensive operatic repertoire, and be happy to throw in, if required, some entirely new and eccentric nigger business, would find this an eligible oppor
tunity. As the wonderful force and shrillness of the advertiser’s C from the chest earned for him in the Western States of America the complimentary sobriquet of the Hoot de Poitrine, deaf maniacs in need of a new sensation might communicate. Has acted with much effect as a fog-horn on a Channel Steamer. Also can give imitations of Mr. Irving. By Address, Hurdigardo, Post Office, Bawls Pond.
T
O SAUSAGE MANUFACTURERS.—A Learned Pig to be disposed
of. This unique and accomplished creature, that has been for many years perseveringly trained by an eccentric Nobleman, as a personal relaxation from the duties and cares of Parliamentary life, having unfortunately been severely shaken in a Railway Collision, that has somewhat impaired its intellectual powers, will be parted with by tho present proprietor on very liberal terms. Can still go through the Alphabet if the consonants are omitted, and tell fortunes fairly on a pack of cards, when assisted by onions. Has been taught to leave the room on being called “Aaron,” but since the
accident has, when reminded with a pair of pincers, answered more easily to the name of “ Oliver Cromwell.” Having in its best days appeared in a Mimic Steeple Chase at a Circus, it could, with a monkey on its back, admir
ably supply the place of a Carriage Dog to any turn-out, the owner of which happened to be anxious to create an entirely new and startling sensation in the park. Would not object to sit as permanent advertisement in office window of an Anti-Vivisection Society, and be eaten by the Committee at Christmas. N.B.—Is perfectly well, and has had Trichinosis. For full particulars as to
intellectual feats or estimated capabilities, if required solely for bacon, apply to Utile Dulci, The Styes, West Ham.
T
O THE ENTERPRISING—Wonderful Invention to be parted with
at once. An Experimental Chemist, of high repute, who lias devoted his lifetime to the object, has, after a series of exhaustive and costly experi
ments, almost perfected the manufacture of a Safety Blasting Powder. As
the windows are at present blown out and the roof removed from his own villa, and the prosecution of his project meets with but half-hearted encouragement from the householders in his immediate neighbourhood, a quiet home, where he could continue his researches with vigour, would be regarded by him as a fair equivalent for a share of his secret and its ultimate profits. A secluded country parsonage, not too near a church, of which tho steeple lias been pro
nounced sound, would thoroughly suit the advertiser. Will bring bis own fire extinguishers, outer wall stays, and cellar bearings, and find family in Coxton’s Patent Deaf Wool, and Blakeley’s Artillery Head and Chest Pro
tectors. A Vicar, not on very good terms with his parishioners, will find tl.is a first-rato opportunity.—Apply, X., Post-Office, Gunnersbury.
The Noble Arts.
The laws that ruled “ The Noble Art ”
Decreed a blow by rival dealt
Was quite unfair, when in a part
That’s just an inch below the belt. A trial on the list is down
To fix—unless both parties melt— Whether some statues in this town
Are, or aren’t, “ hits” above a Belt.
SPANISH AT SECOND HAND.
Is it true, as stated, that, whereas in 1868 as many as 35,000,000 gallons of wine were exported from Spain to France, that amount is this year in course of being trebled ? Because, if so, why cannot Britannia import her Claret and Burgundy from Spain direct ? And can it be that Chateau Lafite comes from one of tne Chateaux en Espagne t